Saturday, February 09, 2013

The Gift of Tears

When I was young, my parents would play music by a Christian singer named Evie.  They'd put the record into our long cabinet stereo, the kind that took up most of a small living room like ours, had a radio and an 8-track player and thatched speakers that blew out if you raised the volume higher than we now do when we watch a normal television show.

Evie had tapered, shoulder length, blond hair with bangs, curled under all the way around in a late 1970's look, and an angelic young face that my father called "beautiful," but not in a sexy way.  He said she just "glowed."  At least, this is how she looked on the record cover, as I recall.

There was one song that, virtually every time my parents played it, I cried.  I still remember the first verse and the refrain and wanted to live my life by these words.

"A carpenter working and building away
asked what his son would be one day.
Jesus looked up with a tear in his eye,
and these are the words he replied:

'Give me a heart that is broken in two.
I want to mend it just like new.
Give me a heart that's been shattered by sin,
and I'll make it over again.'"

One night, my father, seeing I was crying, asked me if I was okay.  I nodded.  He said I had "the gift of tears," which, to him, meant I was close enough to God to understand the enormity of God's love and the wonder of it all.

I understand how this affected my life, my goals, my misconceptions and my self-expectations.  Those words still express what I want to give myself and others, though I no longer believe I need suffer to do this.

Sometimes, tears are no gift.
Post a Comment