Saturday, February 02, 2013

750 Words: Answers to Common Questions

Yesterday, when I signed up for my e-course, "Writing Towards Healing," I created a profile.  At the end of the form was a question, "What is the opposite of night?"  Thinking this was similar to the random question Blogger gives when you set up a profile, I thought about it and came up with "eternal night."  My reasoning was that night is a finite period of dark time, the result of the Earth's rotation.  Night does not stay around longer than so many hours. It must eventually become day.  Hence, eternal night is the opposite of night. 

Apparently, the system didn't appreciate my philosophical response: it rejected my answer and would only approve "day."  I guess the computer just wanted to make sure I wasn't a robot.  Either that, or it has no sense of humor.  So out of rebellion this morning, I thought I would throw out some more supposedly obvious questions and see what kind of nonsense (or more sense) I can make of the answers.  No disclaimers.  No attempt to argue pure religion or logic.  Religion is a specific belief system, and I'm not in the mood to be that specific.  And logic is inherently illogical because it is fabricated by imperfect, illogical human being.  In fact, there is probably no such thing as logic at all.  So here we go.

1.  Why is the sky blue?  Because our eyes perceive a color and we are told to call it "blue."  If we don't see it as blue or call it something else, we're corrected or diagnosed colorblind. 

2.  Where do babies come from?  The sun.  Because the sun provides light and nourishment for everything in the world.  The sun makes things grow--plants, animals and people.  We are dependent on it, as if it were a parent.  Therefore, the sun makes babies.

3.  What time is it?  It isn't.  Time is an imaginary concept we use so we don't feel so stupid in the face of the infinite.  "Time" is an inefficient, pathetic, faulty control mechanism.  If you want proof, look at states that refuse to honor daylight savings' time, the Mayan calendar and broken Timex watches.  

4.  Who is God?  God must be you somehow, since you're bothering to ask the question.  And if you're like most people, you'll go on to design complicated beliefs that support your suspicions.  You will find meaning where others might not.  You will look towards rules that make sense to you, and you will create some of your own. Most of the rules aren't bad, so if you follow the rules you ascribe to "God," then you'll probably end up a decent person.  If not, you'll be an ass.  In the end, it's up to you.    

5.  Why do you fall down if you step off a cliff? (my husband's question)  First, because rocks and gravity don't care about you, no matter how important you think you might be.  Second, you might not be falling down.  You could be falling up.  "Up" and "down" are relative, depending on which planet you're being watched from.

6.  Why will you get burnt if you touch a flame? (my husband's question)  We'll define "burnt" as that hurting feeling that makes you pull away from something hot.  However, if you don't feel that pain, then you can't be burnt.  In the more serious context, such as sustaining bodily damage from a blaze, you will get burnt (injured) simply because fire is a lot hotter and stronger than we are.  Trying to put out a real fire using just your skin isn't usually a good idea.

7.  What's the opposite of "boy"?  (my progeny's question)  In the womb, we all start out "female" (or what we call female--we could just as easily use "rock"or "ambivalence" in its place).  Some of these females grow extra attachments and make different chemicals.  This doesn't make anyone opposite from anyone, then.  We've just got a variety of parts and try to make the distinctions more obvious so people can try to feel unique or better about themselves or some such nonsense.

8.  Why does the moon look like it's made of cheese? (my husband's question)  Personally, I think it looks like a pock-marked teenager, but the craters in the moon seem to resemble Swiss Cheese to many Americans and, I suppose, Scandinavians.  It's a cultural thing.  If you grew up eating lots of pizza with thick dough, you might see the moon as pizza crust with big air bubbles.
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