Thursday, November 29, 2012

"Not even Jesus was raped."

I can't seem to post a response to my friend's post, "..NOT EVEN JESUS WAS RAPED!" so I will do it here.

I needed this, hon, particularly the part about the unemployment.  I had to resign from teaching at the jail because of the PTSD which has been showing its ugly face again.  I was at the jail for about two years and loved it.  I miss my students, as odd as that sounds.  They are human beings who've got a lot more damage than I do.  Problem is, the guilty ones passed on their pain.  People like us do something different with our pain.  But it's never too late for any of us to do good in the world, no matter where we are, even if it's in jail.  And let's face it--PTSD is a kind of jail.  We are not free.

I had a student say to me more than once, "Thank you for believing in us, Mrs. G."  He wasn't expecting me to believe him about the charges (that's no-no territory).  He was just grateful someone believed IN him, that someone actually acknowledged his potential and his worth as a human being.

We all need someone to believe in us.  I'm alive because people believed in me and for that, I, too, am grateful. 

I've got plenty of causes and do TONS of volunteering already, but I do not have plenty of job ops or sources of income.  That is to say, my life is meaningful and I am blessed, but we need me to be earning money.  Disabilities and family stress are also getting in the way.

BTW, I don't get the white van thing.  I always associated white vans with the DC Sniper.  It was a pretty big deal around here about ten years ago.  Everyone was avoiding white vans and it turns out, the shooters weren't even driving a white van.  Now every time I see a white van, that's what I think of--except white vans don't scare me. I was never hurt by someone in a white van.  But it does show how easily associations get into our minds.

I can't go back to the jail again because now I associate the jail with PTSD (unfortunately sparked by a small incident with a flirtatious, desperate, sick student who interpreted my love for him and the class as romantic love).  But now, I'm starting to associate cops and sirens with PTSD.  See what happens?  One thing leads to another, especially with people who have PTSD and ADHD.   

Please take pics of your tats.  I want to see them.  I admire you and am grateful for you.
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